So, I have been really pessimistic lately. I don't want to be in school (as we all know by now) and I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. However, one of my classes in the IBC has been trying really hard to get me to change my attitude. They haven't been directly singling me out or anything, but in Organizational Effectiveness, we have been talking a lot about having a proactive attitude and trying to see people around us as people with real needs and to not see them as problems. I have been fighting against it the whole semester. There is no reason that I should be positive in a class that I don't even want to be in right? Well, my professor showed us a video clip the other day that kind of struck a cord with me. I was trying to be my stubborn self while watching it, but by the time it was done I felt really guilty about my bad attitude. Here is a link the clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BODHsU3hDo4
I'm not normally one to watch Oprah, but this talk really made me feel bad about the fact that I have been so negative lately. I really have no reason to be so cranky. I really need to try harder to get an experience out of these classes rather than just trying to get through it. So, this adjustment in my attitude probably won't last very long, I get stressed out and sick of this class very easily. But at least for the next few hours (until school starts again tomorrow) I will focus more on getting something out of this experience.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
IBC
IBC (Integrated Business Core) is the name of my 12 credit class (or classes) that I am taking this semester. What does that mean? It means that I get to spend my entire semester on campus all day long focusing on just this class. I spend 3-4 hours a day with my team, read 30-70 pages of cases every single day, start up a business and run it on campus (this means approving our businesses through the school, getting a loan for our business, actually making profits, etc), and try to work 2 jobs on the side, all while making sure I don't fail so I never have to do this again!
Now really, Lyle's life is much more difficult. He is still trying to work 40 hours a week and do this class with me. I am working just over 20 hours a week. And our teachers were "sweet" enough to put us on different teams. (We are in the same company, but our companies are broken down further into teams and we are in separate teams.)We will be lucky if we survive.
We have only been in school for about two weeks now and already I am counting down the days until this semester is done. This past week we were "privileged" to go to the Badger Creek area and camp. You are probably thinking, "But wait, this is Idaho in the winter time?" Yes, yes it is. I had to spend 3 days 2 nights in the snow. Snow that is up to my waist and nearly impossible to walk through. It was basically the most miserable experience of my life. The only thing good about it was.......nope, can't think of anything. My boots were too big, my 4 layers of clothing were hard to move in, and when I sank in the snow down to my waist I had to have help up. I am sore all over and I still can't believe I had to do it.
This class is only getting harder. I have so much to accomplish in the next few weeks that I really don't know how I am going to finish everything. Our business has to be up and running two Mondays from now and we are not even sure if we will have our business idea approved or if we will get the loan that we need in order to buy supplies and get our booth up and started. We have to write up a business plan by this next Friday that we will present to a loan committee. They will decide how much money we have to start with and we just have to make due with whatever we get. I am nervous and this class is giving me stress zits......UGH! Yes this is a good experience, and yes it may help me figure out how to start a business one day. But for the time being, those thoughts only depress me. I just have to remember that I only have 2 semesters and 1 internship left and if things go the way I would like them to, I should be done and out of here April of next year..........................
Now really, Lyle's life is much more difficult. He is still trying to work 40 hours a week and do this class with me. I am working just over 20 hours a week. And our teachers were "sweet" enough to put us on different teams. (We are in the same company, but our companies are broken down further into teams and we are in separate teams.)We will be lucky if we survive.
We have only been in school for about two weeks now and already I am counting down the days until this semester is done. This past week we were "privileged" to go to the Badger Creek area and camp. You are probably thinking, "But wait, this is Idaho in the winter time?" Yes, yes it is. I had to spend 3 days 2 nights in the snow. Snow that is up to my waist and nearly impossible to walk through. It was basically the most miserable experience of my life. The only thing good about it was.......nope, can't think of anything. My boots were too big, my 4 layers of clothing were hard to move in, and when I sank in the snow down to my waist I had to have help up. I am sore all over and I still can't believe I had to do it.
This class is only getting harder. I have so much to accomplish in the next few weeks that I really don't know how I am going to finish everything. Our business has to be up and running two Mondays from now and we are not even sure if we will have our business idea approved or if we will get the loan that we need in order to buy supplies and get our booth up and started. We have to write up a business plan by this next Friday that we will present to a loan committee. They will decide how much money we have to start with and we just have to make due with whatever we get. I am nervous and this class is giving me stress zits......UGH! Yes this is a good experience, and yes it may help me figure out how to start a business one day. But for the time being, those thoughts only depress me. I just have to remember that I only have 2 semesters and 1 internship left and if things go the way I would like them to, I should be done and out of here April of next year..........................
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Wishing and Hoping
Generally I really don't like making "New Year Resolutions." I have had such bad experiences in the past (with failed hopes and such) that I just can't bring myself to do it anymore. I am the typical person who loses motivation and drive about 2 weeks into the new year. Even though I have been resisting, I am going to be cliche today. I am making goals. Some of these goals I would like to accomplish this year. However, I am not opposed to them taking longer to accomplish, provided that are achieved. The biggest goal of this year is for me to be happy. My dad is the original initiator of this goal. He said that he has had so many health problems this last year and it has distracted him from focusing on the good things. I have really struggled with this the last year too. Looking back, I see all of the negatives and very few positives. I know they are there, but it's hard to see them. This year I am going to try harder to record the blessings that I have been given. I really need to see the Lord's hand in my life better.
Another goal of mine is to get very close to graduating and hopefully starting a family. This semester marks the 3rd to last semester for me (provided that everything goes smoothly). I would really like to know that at the end of this year I only have 1 semester left. We all know I am ready to be done with school. But you may not know that I am also very ready to start a family. Lyle and I both want to have children, but we both also know that now is not the time. It would be better for me to be done with school and for Lyle to have a set plan and career when he graduates. If all goes well with his JCPenny stuff, he could potentially be offered a job right out of school for 60,000 ish a year. If we know he has a job waiting for him and that we can survive on the salary, we can start working on the baby thing. It has been very hard for me to see some of my best friends have babies and move on with their lives. Vandy and Tyrel are expecting a child this month and while I am super excited and happy for them, I am having a really hard time knowing that children could be about 2 years away if things don't go as planned for the next year. I would love to be expecting by the end of the year. Until we know what will happen, I'm just going to keep wishing and hoping that it will happen.
This brings me to my last and most looming goal..... I am fat. I know, shocking right? I have gained weight since getting married, and it is killing me inside (probably physically as well as mentally). I have always said that I was never going to be the girl who got fat when she got married, yet I sit here on my couch, double chin protruding and all and I feel bad about myself. This is the first time in my life that I have had self-esteem issues. Not even through my awkward teen years did I have problems with confidence, but lately I just want to climb into a hole and hide. I see girls I have known for a while who are married and have had babies and are in great physical shape and I get so envious. So, I am trying really hard to be loose weight and be happy with myself in the meantime. My motivation for losing weight is not just to be "hot" (as if that is even possible), want to develop healthy habits so I can raise a healthy family. I also really want to be a cute pregnant woman (weird sounding? I know). I have seen so many people who are pregnant (like really pregnant) and they just look like they have gained a ton of weight. I don't want that to be me. I want people to look at me and think, "What a cute pregnant woman." I don't want to give anyone a reason to say, "are you sure that she's pregnant and not just fat?" when I am a good 6 or 7 months prego. I guess I also don't want people to be speculating that I am pregnant now, either. Anyways, enough of a pity party for me. I did this to myself. I have lost a large amount of weight before and I can do it again. (I'm being positive now)
So anyways, this year is already shaping up to be pretty tough. This semester Lyle and I are doing a class that is called Integrated Business Core (IBC). It is a 12 credit grouping of classes and I am not completely sure if we will be successful at it. We have to create and run our own businesses on campus (as a group) and we have to earn real life money and so on. I am very not excited about this, but it has to happen whether I like it or not. For now, I am just going to take this semester 1 day at time (there are 94) with a prayer in my heart and a smile on my face. And hopefully by the end of this semester I will feel like I have accomplished something great.
Another goal of mine is to get very close to graduating and hopefully starting a family. This semester marks the 3rd to last semester for me (provided that everything goes smoothly). I would really like to know that at the end of this year I only have 1 semester left. We all know I am ready to be done with school. But you may not know that I am also very ready to start a family. Lyle and I both want to have children, but we both also know that now is not the time. It would be better for me to be done with school and for Lyle to have a set plan and career when he graduates. If all goes well with his JCPenny stuff, he could potentially be offered a job right out of school for 60,000 ish a year. If we know he has a job waiting for him and that we can survive on the salary, we can start working on the baby thing. It has been very hard for me to see some of my best friends have babies and move on with their lives. Vandy and Tyrel are expecting a child this month and while I am super excited and happy for them, I am having a really hard time knowing that children could be about 2 years away if things don't go as planned for the next year. I would love to be expecting by the end of the year. Until we know what will happen, I'm just going to keep wishing and hoping that it will happen.
This brings me to my last and most looming goal..... I am fat. I know, shocking right? I have gained weight since getting married, and it is killing me inside (probably physically as well as mentally). I have always said that I was never going to be the girl who got fat when she got married, yet I sit here on my couch, double chin protruding and all and I feel bad about myself. This is the first time in my life that I have had self-esteem issues. Not even through my awkward teen years did I have problems with confidence, but lately I just want to climb into a hole and hide. I see girls I have known for a while who are married and have had babies and are in great physical shape and I get so envious. So, I am trying really hard to be loose weight and be happy with myself in the meantime. My motivation for losing weight is not just to be "hot" (as if that is even possible), want to develop healthy habits so I can raise a healthy family. I also really want to be a cute pregnant woman (weird sounding? I know). I have seen so many people who are pregnant (like really pregnant) and they just look like they have gained a ton of weight. I don't want that to be me. I want people to look at me and think, "What a cute pregnant woman." I don't want to give anyone a reason to say, "are you sure that she's pregnant and not just fat?" when I am a good 6 or 7 months prego. I guess I also don't want people to be speculating that I am pregnant now, either. Anyways, enough of a pity party for me. I did this to myself. I have lost a large amount of weight before and I can do it again. (I'm being positive now)
So anyways, this year is already shaping up to be pretty tough. This semester Lyle and I are doing a class that is called Integrated Business Core (IBC). It is a 12 credit grouping of classes and I am not completely sure if we will be successful at it. We have to create and run our own businesses on campus (as a group) and we have to earn real life money and so on. I am very not excited about this, but it has to happen whether I like it or not. For now, I am just going to take this semester 1 day at time (there are 94) with a prayer in my heart and a smile on my face. And hopefully by the end of this semester I will feel like I have accomplished something great.
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