Isn't it curious how everytime someone mentions something that has been or will be 9 months long the first thing that comes to everyone's mind is BABY?! I have tried a little social experiment lately when people ask me how long I've been married. This Saturday we will have been married for 9 months. So when people have asked the question, "how long have you been married?" I have given 1 of 3 answers: 1) "Almost a year." 2) "8 months." 3) "about 9 months." Usually when I say the first two casual conversation commenses with phrases like "how are you enjoying it?" or "so your still newlyweds," etc. But everytime I have said "We have been married for about 9 months," I get the, "are you guys expecting a baby soon?" question. WHY?! Probably for a few reasons. In Mormon society I "should" be expecting by now. (I know of at least 3 couples that got married after we did and they are already expecting) The other reason is that 9 months has been pounded into adult minds as the length of human pregnancy.
I have started to avoid saying 9 months because the response usually bothers me. Why, you ask? Well, babies have been a touchy topic in our home lately (depending on the day). I would love to have a baby, but right now isn't a good time for us. And sometimes my hormones take over and it gets really hard for me to hear Lyle say "not yet." If you are a girl then you probably know what it feels like to see a really cute baby and wake up the baby hungry monster inside of you that says, "I want a baby now!!!!" Some days it is really hard for me to even walk through the baby section of a store without wanting a baby so badly I could cry. (If you are female and haven't experienced this then you may want to make sure you have a heart. J/K. but I don't know how you haven't.)
Now, when the hormonal monster inside of me is sleeping, I can completely understand our waiting. We both only have about 4 semesters left, plus an internship. We should be done fairly quickly and with the classes that I have left to take, it would be impossible for me to have a baby, work, and go to school. (In the Winter I am supposed to do IBC) With both of us in school, we can't afford to have one of us not working and we most definitely couldn't afford a baby. I really want to finish my degree and I don't want to finish it later (especially since BYU-I is a pain to transfer from, get back into, etc). Also, life is so stressful and crazy right now that I would probably go crazy and not be a good mom. Yes, all of these reasons make perfect sense when I am my "normal" self.
I still haven't completely answered why it bothers me to be asked the baby question. Well, first of all, when I say "no, we are not having a baby soon," I usually get the, "you must be very selfish people if you are waiting," look. My response to that, though usually just in my head, is: "did I ask you to ask me if I was pregnant? NO! I didn't ask you to judge me about it either." Secondly, the person who asks usually has no idea how badly I really want a baby (just typing that sentence makes my eyes water). I really do, like REALLY do. They have no idea the number of tears that have been cried over this situation. It breaks my heart to even say, "no we are not expecting for a while." And lastly, are they trying to imply that I am fat and I look pregnant? I know I have put on weight since I have gotten married, but really?
I don't mean to rant, but I kind of do. And I know that most people don't mean to be rude or bring up negative feelings. Most people do care and are interested in our lives. This is just a major topic that comes up in our home at least once everyday. It's not like we are just ignoring the situation and being selfish. We are putting a lot of thougt and prayers into it. So I guess the underlying reason it bothers me is because we do want a baby, we just can't have one right now. But I am going to try really hard to not let that question bother me anymore. We are planning on having a baby in about 2 years. So the next time someone asks, "are you guys expecting a baby soon?" I will go ahead and say, "Yes, in about 24 months."
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